Monogamous relationships not always the answer
Published: Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Updated: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 21:04
College is a time of change. Eagles change their beliefs, their politics, their sense of style and their hairdos in the blink of an eye. FGCU is like a candy mountain filled with the most beautiful women in the world, which would also explain why men spend most of their time looking at them and changing partners. This quirky single college woman is pretty happy seeing her gorgeous college women and other women. Which brings me to the question, why be monogamous when it’s clearly ridiculous?
In a series of interviews I conducted with guys on campus, one thing was clear: Every girlfriend they have ever had wanted them to change something about themselves, whether it be the slurpy thing they do with their teeth after eating Moes, the way they laugh or the way they dress.
The only things these men ever did change was girlfriends. Guys lose their focus and then ladies, they lose everything. Sex columnist Dan Savage has the right idea.
“Men were never monogamous. Sixty years ago marriage became a property transaction, but instead of allowing women the freedom of concubines, we decided to allow men the same restrictions women were under. We put monogamy at the heart of all relationships gay and straight, putting a tremendous strain on them.” Today’s idea of love is intertwined with sex. If you love me, you will keep your belt buckled, sir or madame.
In reality, it doesn’t matter if you are in a committed relationship, you will still want that cutie at the bar like macaroni wants cheese: Hot and slathered on top of you.
“When someone meets someone they’re attracted to, and because society has this misconstrued view of romance, they think, ‘Oh, I must not be in love with my partner anymore or else I wouldn’t be attracted to this person,’” says Savage. “A lot of good, loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met, and it explodes the relationship.”
Whether you’re gay, straight, bi, polyamorous or pansexual, I think sexuality is a lot like yoga: It’s flexible, hippie dippie, and no one considers it a sport until they’ve had an excellent instructor.
Everyone should embrace their desires like a river. There are no magical love beavers that plug it up. Monogamy, as nice as it may sound, isn’t natural. Just look at animals like pandas, dolphins, lions, sea turtles and Newt Gingrinch. Being monogamous does nothing.
It just gives your partner an excuse to make you change something about yourself and then get bored of you. If you’re married or in a relationship, you may find this article disgusting and say, “Ashley, I’m monogamous.” Good for you.
I don’t believe in promiscuity—nothing’s worse than a lobster on your piano, then crabs on your organ. That’s just nasty. I believe in honesty. If you’re going to be in a relationship and be open to emotions and feelings, then you have to be open to each other about what you need sexually. Essentially, you have to be each other’s stereotypical “prostitute with a heart of gold.”
Don’t view your monogamy as a balloon you could pop. View your monogamy as Britney Spears going to rehab. You can shave your head and beat a car with an umbrella, but a true fan will still buy your CD.
I think way too many people are getting divorced these days, and I want to preserve marriage. The only way that will happen though, is if we define marriage differently.
It’s not black and white, man or woman, open or monogamous. It’s a twisted yoga position. Namaste.